—by Michelle Lords New York, NY

I have known Stuart and done Rudi’s work for 20 years. I have many stories to tell. As I read everybody’s stories I realize that they are all about the impact of meeting Stuart. I always knew I needed to meditate and had tried to meditate on my own but it never seemed to help me, and I wanted a class that was nearby to where I lived.

There was a man I knew who had Stuart as a guest on his radio show. He told me about Stuart. It turns out Stuart’s class was in walking distance from my house. This man then showed me the book Leah and somehow that reassured me. I felt that I knew that name and that book. I decided to go.

I remember going up in the elevator to the fourth floor. A woman named Stephanie greeted me. She had me pin my hair out of my face (probably to keep me from being distracted from my hair). She was warm and friendly. Then I noticed that during the meditation my eyes started tearing and they would not stop during the whole class. I wasn’t crying. I was releasing pain and sorrow. I began to hear my Soul talking to me. I realized how superficial I had been with my life, and was so full of judgment. I was also filled with terrible fear. I felt very unsafe as if my world was going to come to an end. I did not want to go back. I felt like my whole world was being blown open.

The other students would say things to me that frightened me. I often did not understand what they were talking about. As fearful as I was, I felt compelled to come back. I was afraid that it was a cult and that bad things were going to happen to me. All the same, life kept talking to me and reassuring me.

I then read Spiritual Cannibalism by Rudi and then began to feel that I understood and felt safe. Every time I got scared I would read one of Stuart’s or Rudi’s books and would be reassured. It took some time before I realized how terrible my condition was and how the work was helping me.

I saw a picture of myself many years later and realized I literally had to be reborn and become a child again. I felt myself go through stages with Stuart. At one point I was a child, and then I was an adolescent. Stuart guided me through the stages, nurturing me along the way. I really was his daughter as I began to re-grow, rebirth and heal. I found a security and confidence I had never known. And then, it was time to dissolve all of that and make me even stronger— my strength was not deep enough and I needed to get stronger. Putting the steel in the fire, and refining my system.

I have had to work very hard but I feel tremendous gratitude for this opportunity. Every time I think of not doing this work, I cannot stop. It is an organic part of me. My life is no longer entirely mine. Spirit breathes along with my heart.